Quoted from a rabbinic source:
"A woman called. Some of her ribs were broken. She wanted to know if she was supposed to be mochel / forgive her husband. I told her definitely not. She persisted - isn't it a special mitzvah, close to Yom Kippur, a segulah that Hashem should forgive us for all our wrongdoing? It told her that it would be no mitzvah at all."
I'm guessing there's more to the story and that the rabbinic advisor felt that her not being mochel would have an impact on her husband's actions. If not I would have guessed she would have been told to leave him? FWIW IIRC the only exception to the forgiveness rule is motzi shem ra (spreading negatively about the individual).
Your thoughts?
KT
Joel Rich
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With an extremely unusual exception, all professionals will tell you
that the first time your husband assaults you must be the last time.
Furthermore the law is clear and unequivocal: Any incidence of
a domestic crime must be dealt with by arresting the guilty party,
be it husband or wife. I can tell you that any call we get involving a
domestic always results in an arrest.
Dina D'Malchusa Dina
This is the law and we are mandated to follow it.
I have no sympathy for a husband who assaults his wife or a wife who
assaults her husband. If you assault your spouse, you do not deserve
your spouse.
Mechila or no mechila, the consequences are serious and the law must
be followed.
Quoted from a rabbinic source:
"A woman called. Some of her ribs were broken. She wanted to know if she was supposed to be mochel / forgive her husband. I told her definitely not. She persisted - isn't it a special mitzvah, close to Yom Kippur, a segulah that Hashem should forgive us for all our wrongdoing? It told her that it would be no mitzvah at all."
I'm guessing there's more to the story and that the rabbinic advisor felt that her not being mochel would have an impact on her husband's actions. If not I would have guessed she would have been told to leave him? FWIW IIRC the only exception to the forgiveness rule is motzi shem ra (spreading negatively about the individual).
You are asking a loaded question so I will have to answer it on a few layers.
First of all, I’m not sure what YOU mean by a verbal assault.
The legal definition of assault varies from state to state but generally:
Simple assault is an attempt to do a serious bodily harm to another person,
or actually committing an act to put another in fear of serious bodily injury.
Simple assault is usually classified as a misdemeanor.
So if by verbal assault, a husband or wife (without touching each other), puts
the other in fear of being hurt, then it meets the criteria of a crime (misdemeanor)
and in most states mandates an arrest.
With that scenario, yes, I would say the same for a spouse who verbally assaults the other.
What most lay people confuse assault with is a BATTERY which is any unlawful offensive physical contact
with another person, with or without his or her consent. ... Unlike the crime of assault, battery requires that actual contact is made,
while assault charges can be brought with only the threat of violence.
Though it may seem extreme to say that you don’t deserve your spouse if you commit a simple assault or battery, our own sages
have said that if your wife burns your food, you have every right to divorce her.
I think it boils down to the specifics and whole picture of each case.
I believe your question may have meant what if a spouse speaks disparagingly to his/her spouse.
In other words, what if a husband demeans his wife and calls her stupid or ugly, etc.
My feeling is that you are dealing with the tip of the iceberg and most likely you have a bad marriage
and a dysfunctional relationship.
:> I have no sympathy for a husband who assaults his wife or a wife who
:> assaults her husband. If you assault your spouse, you do not deserve
:> your spouse.
: > Would you say the same for a spouse who assaults his/her spouse verbally?
Hezeq and onaas devarim are different issurim. But they both are forms
of harm recognized by halakhah.
(Maybe I mean all three are recognized: hezeq haguf and hezeq mamon are
different things, with different dinim.)
And if the ona'as devarim gets to the point of halvanas panim, it's compared
to retzichah. BM 58b lumps OD and pinning a nickname on someone together
with eishes ish as sins that cause gehennom to be permanent ("sheyordim
ve'ein olim") and ein lo cheileq le'olam haba (59a).
And of course, "noach lo le'adam shayapil es atzmo lekivshan ha'eish,
be'al yalbin penei chaveiro." (Mar Zutra, BM 59a) Which is taking
seriously, not exageration, in discussions of yeihareig ve'al ya'avor.
So to ammend my first paragraph, verbal abuse is far MORE vilified by
the din than hezeq.
'An old question of mine- Why is the minhag haolam (common practice) to ask for mechilla (forgiveness) during asseret ymai tshuva (10 days of repentance) rather than before Rosh Hashana (when the initial judgment is written down)?'
Isn't that the same question as why we have the aseres ymei teshuva after RH, not before? After all, the purpose of asking mechila is that we can't have mechila or kapara on mitzvos bein adam l'makom until we've had mechila from those we've trespassed against (with apologies to external liturgy). So the minhag haolam re mechila and the teshuva of aseres ymei teshuva are all part of the same process and issue.
The question of why the order of of RH/AYT/YK is what it is has been asked and has a number of approaches. But your question seems just part of that bigger question.
Ben