When one is physically distant from a friend who is sitting shiva, as a general rule, is it better to (pick one) call, text, or email during the shiva period? Or, is it better to wait until you actually see the person again?
KT
Joel Rich
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When one is physically distant from a friend who is sitting shiva, as a
general rule, is it better to (pick one) call, text, or email during the
shiva period? Or, is it better to wait until you actually see the person
again?
“When one is physically distant from a friend who is sitting shiva, as a general rule, is it better to (pick one) call, text, or email during the shiva period? Or, is it better to wait until you actually see the person again?”
I always thought as someone paying the shiva call (or, rather, as well he caller emailer), that telephone calls were better. But I saw a few discussions on FB about this and the people who had recently sat shiva almost unanimously said emails were better because calls often came at times when it was not convenient to speak.
Joseph
When one is physically distant from a friend who is sitting shiva, as a
general rule, is it better to (pick one) call, text, or email during the
shiva period? Or, is it better to wait until you actually see the person
again?
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See Igros Moshe OC IV:40.11, where he talks about nichum aveilim via the
phone. It seems clear to me that he's saying that someone who is unable to
visit in person still has a mitzvah of nichum; if so, then it makes sense
to
say that whatever of the modalities you suggest would create the most
nechamah (and it may be different from person to person) should be the one
used.
It seems to me the thrust of the question is, better to use technology
DURING shiva, or do it face-to-face AFTER shiva.
Therefore, since there is a special need for and mitzvah to be nichum
during shiva, one should pick up the phone and call, if you can get
through, and if not, send a message letting them know you tried to call,
AND ASLO repeat your words of comfort when you see them face-to-face,
since they are presumably still mourning for at least 30 days, if not 12
months.
: When one is physically distant from a friend who is sitting shiva, as
: a general rule, is it better to (pick one) call, text, or email during
: the shiva period? Or, is it better to wait until you actually see the
: person again?
How would that phone call (human touch /has/ to be best) make that seeing them again less likely or later? I don't see where the either-or begins.
As for the question of whether one can be yotzei with the phone call, see IM OC 4:40:11 and Yabia Omer YD 10:48.
RMF holds that nichum aveilim includes 2 things: (1) to help the aveilim
talk things out and give them nechama, (2) letovas hmeis. (The latter
is why a minyan comes to sit in the home of someone who r"l passed away
without aveilim.) Still, even though it's only an impefect fulfillment
of #1 to call, if that's the best you can do, YEISH ALAV CHIYUV to do
what he can, and yeish lo to be menacheim by telephone.
(I kept "yeish alav chiyuv" and "yeish lo" to minimize distorting his
nuance.)
As far as I can tell, and learning YO really takes practice I don't have,
ROY holds that there is no nichum aveilim by phone, but it is lehachayos
ruach shefalim, and a mitzvah to do.
But not as strong as RMF obligating the phone call. I could see ROY
saying you're closer to qiyum with the visit. Whereas I could still see
RMF saying the visit is too late to help the meis, though, and therefore
not qualitatively different than the phone call. So don't wait!