In practice, all other things being equal, should one avoid paying a shiva call during the first three days of mourning? Has this practice fallen by the wayside?
kt
joel rich
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Where I came from, only closest friends and family came the first three days. Aside from special cases, like Yom Tov meaning there aren’t other days, or someone sitting half the time at the niftar’s home and half at their own, so you have much further to travel after 3 days. Although I guess there is an implied request from the aveil – usually at least one motive for splitting where they sit is for the ability to spend time with people from both locales.
Here in Beit Shemesh, this rule is not obeyed.
But then, even Ashkenazim here absorbed the Sepharadi minhag of laying out food for the menachamim to make a berakhah on le’iluyei nishmas. So, people coordinate not only meals, but table items as well. (To me it felt so alien, having seen more wakes on TV than paid shiv’ah calls to Sepharadim.)
So, maybe this is another shiv’ah custom that fell by the wayside as the community melds. (And R @Danny_Schoemann needn’t add that this only holds in the communities I have experienced so far.)
I will add, though, that I’m not aware of this ?מנהג?הנהגה? being documented.
I’m convinced it’s a confusion with ביקור חולים where we don’t visit in the first 3 days so as not to give him the name of being ill.
עיין קיצור שולחן ערוך סימן קצ"ג-א
The source of this is in the Talmud.
בשורות טובות
-Danny
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I sometimes go and have found that many who do go are unaware of the practice not to say anything to the Avel unless the Avel opens up first. I always felt this was a useful practice. You are there, your presence is felt but it’s up to the Avel whether they wish to engage with you, and if they do, the challenge is not to offer up the ubiquitously trite chestnuts. Sometimes, an Avel will engage on topics that I feel are somewhat trivial or paranthetic but that’s fine if it’s their outlet for expression at a difficult time.